A couple of weeks ago the Women’s Network at work hosted an event called “Envision Your Best Year”. The Women’s Network hosts many events each year and sadly, I never jump at the opportunity to attend. It wasn’t until my manager sent out a note asking if anyone wanted to join her that I decided to give it a shot. I’m so glad I did because it made me realize a few things that I want to improve about myself & my life.
One of the first things the keynote talked about was how, in a lifetime, women make about a million less than their male counterparts. Some of the reasons she mentioned are that:
1. We never “brag” on ourselves. Rarely do women complete a project or milestone and stop to take a few moments to pat ourselves on the back- we tend to move right into a new project. Even when we do take a minute to recognize our progress, we tend to downplay the accomplishment. Men, on the other hand, are sure to let everyone know.
2. Women never ask for the things they want (for instance raises or promotions). We think that if we deserve a promotion, it will get noticed on its own or that it will make us look greedy to ask for one.
When she mentioned these points, I started to cringe because I know I am definitely guilty of both.
I am definitely my own worst critic and never give myself enough credit. Rarely do I stop in life to celebrate my accomplishments or pat myself on the back. Instead, I’m always looking for the next new thing that I think needs fixing.
I also feel like I had the mindset of “If I’m doing a good job, other people will notice”. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago when I was talking to a friend and she mentioned how in her 10/10s (weekly development meetings with your manager), she would make sure to call out the ways she has improved since her previous 10/10. At first it seemed so odd to me. I felt like calling out accomplishments was “bragging” and that it seemed cocky, when in reality, its important that we recognize progress and take pride in our accomplishments (within reason). I decided to start taking her advice and I feel like it has helped me in many ways.
First, it helps me to keep myself accountable. When I first started full time, I didn’t mind playing a backseat role and was always afraid to speak up. Even though my team is very supportive, I was always afraid of messing up or saying something stupid so I kept quiet. Once I made the decision that I wanted to be able to report back to my manager on my progress, it helped me to push myself out of my comfort zone. I speak up more and make offers to do tasks that I’m not necessarily comfortable with which has not only helped build my confidence, it has helped my team to see me as more of a leader.
Doing this new technique, also shows my manager that I’m listening to the feedback she’s giving me and that I’m making an effort to improve. While I don’t know that I would ever feel comfortable straight up asking for a promotion/raise, it has helped me to be more transparent about what my goals are as well as solicit feedback from her about what she thinks can help me perform at the next level. So far, it has been very motivating to see the things I can be capable of when I stop holding myself back and is very encouraging to hear from my manager that she sees a difference as well.
Another point that the keynote speaker brought up is that we seldom take the time to assess our life satisfaction. While I actually think I do this fairly regularly, she did help me to realize something new. She made us write down all of our goals for the next 5 years. A lot of mine were things that I have already discussed in previous posts but there were a few were new ones such as “pay off car” and “get promoted”. She asked what things we realistically thought we could accomplish this year if we had more time… and surprisingly, many of them seemed reasonable. Next, she had us fill out a spreadsheet that asked how many hours per week we dedicated to different activities (Work, Friends, Family, TV, Fun, Exercise, Service, etc). It was shocking to me to see how much time I wasted during the day. There are 24 hours in a day- even if I sleep for 8 (which rarely happens) and work for 8, there are still 8 more hours left… When I think about the things I do in those extra hours- I’m embarrassed… Too much of that time is taken up by meaningless activities such as watching Trashy TV or stalking people on social media (dont act like you dont do it too :P). It also showed me how little hours I put into “Service/Volunteer” (zero to be exact) and realized something needed to change… I want to do more meaningful things in my life and not spend half of it watching the Real Housewives of Every City.
Soooooo that being said, I have decided to join more extracurricular activities. Last week I signed up for the “Community Engagement” committee for our African American Network and am hoping to leverage that to get involved with CHOICES. I have also signed up for the “Development” committee for the Women’s Network and the United Way of Greater Richmond’s Women’s Leadership Initiative. Along with signing up for more extracurricular activities, I have decided that I will start to limit the time I watch TV to 1 hour a day. After that one hour, I am going to force myself to find something else to do… whether its call a family member/friend, clean my room, blog, go to bed earlier, etc. I also want to read more so I am trying to read a chapter each night before I go to bed. Currently, I am reading a book called “It’s Not a Glass Ceiling, It’s a Sticky Floor” which talks about ways in which women hold themselves back from advancing in the corporate world. Ironically enough, I won it at a Women’s Network event back in 2011 when I was interning. (Yes, I’ve had it for two whole years and never cracked it open. After the event a couple weeks ago, I figured it was time :).) I’ll be sure to keep you updated on my progress as well as celebrate any accomplishments ;).
In the meantime, I challenge you to evaluate how many hours you currently spend per week in each of the categories (Work, Commute, Spouse, Family, Friends, TV, Fun, Service, Exercise, Chores, Self-Care, Sleep, Spiritual Practices, Learning, Other- the hours must add up to 168). How many hours would you ideally like to spend in each of the categories? What are you willing to change to start moving towards your ideal? For those of you that actually take the time to do this, I would love to hear what you learned about yourself…
Until next time…
Resources: It’s Not a Glass Ceiling, It’s a Sticky Floor: Free Yourself From the Hidden Behaviors Sabotaging Your Career Success by Rebecca Shambaugh